My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
