I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
