All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
