i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize