So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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