i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
