the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize