R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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