maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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