dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Boobs are out for the taking
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
