It's like God shit irony all over that family
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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