and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
