I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize