No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
