Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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