I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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