we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
