he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
