the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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