I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize