he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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