I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
