Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
