He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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