Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
