i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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