Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
