as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
