I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
