Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
