He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
