can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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