Im just a social blackout drinker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize