i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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