So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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