That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
