I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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