the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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