Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
