apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
