there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
