cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
