Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
