Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
