She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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