I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Slut skills are useful in every country.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize