i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize