Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
