Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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