my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
