it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
