lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
