i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
