i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
