belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
