I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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