your room smells of hookers.
And success
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
