I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize