I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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