what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
