dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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