Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
