Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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